Having done quite a lot of traveling in the last year, I’ve once again been thinking about driving: what makes it pleasant and what doesn’t. You’ve heard about “rules of the road”. Well, put that on its head and let’s look at some “rudes of the road.” I’ve seen all of these much too often recently and perhaps you can identify with one or more. Here they are, in no particular order.
For the rude driver wannabe, here are my suggestion, based on a much-too-close
study of drivers over the years:
1. Never ever use your blinker/signal or if you do, don’t use it until you’ve actually made the move. Why let anyone know in advance? That would spoil the surprise.
2. At night, when approaching another car, be sure to use your brights as long as possible.
3. If I’m not driving fast enough for you, please get as close to the back of my van as possible. That really makes me want to go faster. In fact, if you just get into the back, you’ll save gas!
4. Be sure not to use your cruise control if you have one. It’s so much more fun if you takes turns speeding up and passing me, then slowing down so that I have to pass you and speeding up as I attempt to do so. Then drop back almost out of sight before hitting the gas and steadily getting right behind me. I especially like it if you try to pass (but not too fast, mind you), right as I approach the back of a truck, forcing me to either pull out or hit the brake.
5. If a sign says that your lane is going to end in a mile, be sure not to move over until you have 10′ left before crashing. Of course, everyone already in the correct lanes will be happy to have you push in front of them, again preferably without signalling. If there’s a crash, it couldn’t possibly your fault.
6. If driving in town, please crank your music up as loudly as possible, then open your windows so that we can all hear. It’s even more fun if your bass not only shakes your car but mine, too, and drowns out what you might think consider melody and lyrics.
(I have to confess to several times turning up classical music as loudly as possible when next to someone doing this (without looking at them, of course), much to the chagrin of our younger daughter.)
Addendum: 7. When you pass me and no one else is around, please pull in as soon as possible, preferably less than a car-length away, so that I have to hit my brakes. To make it even better, slow down just enough that I have to pass you and start the entire cycle over again. (Thanks for the reminder, Adam.)
How does your driving make me feel? Here’s a hint.