Friday Fictioneers–“Survival”

Posted: August 30, 2012 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , , ,

Well, I almost made it to Friday this week, but only by patient waiting!!  Be sure to click on the link below to read the rest of the stories or feel free to join by submitting your unique piece of Friday Fiction.

Survival

Dark, lowering clouds glowered overhead as he attempted the trip home, stealing furtively from cover to cover.  Once, something clutched his sleeve.  He yanked free, running without looking, his pounding heart drowning out other sounds, as if not seeing what it was would save him.  Occasionally he paused, waiting motionless for silent, dark figures to move on.  He couldn’t afford to be seen.

A sharp crack.

He stifled his indrawn breath.  Noise might alert someone.  Home was just ahead but there was a figure… in his doorway!!

“Alex.  How was school?”
He grinned.  Game over.
“Great, Mom.  Got any cookies?”



Advertisements
Comments
  1. Cindy Marsch says:

    I love that release at the end, and it’s just right for the time of year! Fun.

  2. LOL, into the mind of a child, a nice place to visit. Well done.

  3. Sounds like a child with a vivid imagination. You roped me in and then made me feel really good about it.

  4. Carrie says:

    LOL, love the ending. You definitely had me thinking it was something else 🙂

  5. Jan Brown says:

    Great story! Loved the suspense, loved the surprise ending!

  6. claireful says:

    That was clever. There great suspense in the first part – you really had me convinced, and worried for him. And then the release at the end was delightful.

  7. Sandra says:

    A story of two halves; nicely done.

  8. You capture a child’s imagination so well!

  9. JKBradley says:

    Calvin and Hobbes. Well done.

  10. unspywriter says:

    Very clever! My heart was pounding along with him. A nice exposition of the fantasy life of children.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/for-the-world-is-hollow/

    • Glad you enjoyed it. I’m working my way gradually through the ever-growing list. Trying to get ready to move (after moving a daughter to college) is keeping me busy, so reading, commenting and replying are enjoyable things to ration through the day (or several days.) 🙂 See you soon.

  11. elmowrites says:

    Heehee, a few people have gone for schoolboy fantasies this week – I liked this one especially. Personally I’m not a fan of too much assonance – so lowering and glowering was a bit much for me – but that’s a personal thing.
    I’m over here – http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/friday-fiction-white-pegasi/

    • I debated about those two words, but I liked them both so much that I decided to leave them. Thanks for reading and commenting. You’re in my next row of stories so I’ll see you later in the day. Clutter calls and I must answer!

  12. rgayer55 says:

    I admit it. I fell for it. You had me on the edge of my chair in suspense then reeled me in like a fish on a hook. Outstanding job. My hat’s off to you.

    http://russellgayer.wordpress.com/

  13. You had me, hook, line and sinker!

    To a little boy, there’s nothing more serious than a game. Great insight.

  14. stuff I said says:

    Oh I love this, takes me back to the days of raising my sons. Well done!

  15. boomiebol says:

    You had me there for a moment…i like it very much

  16. What fun! Such an unexpected unexpected ending.

  17. tollykit says:

    Brilliant. I remember playing games like this as a kid. The nice kind of scary and you really did capture it.

  18. flyoverhere says:

    Ahhh kids, I love their imaginations! Good take!

What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, that or the other thing.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s