Friday Fictioneers–Quite an interrupt-us

Posted: May 15, 2013 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Friday Fictioneers is a group of writers who weekly chose 100 of their best words to tell stories
based on a photo prompt.  The coordinator of our cadre is Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
Thousands of people compete weekly, maybe even pay bribes,

to supply the picture prompt. This week’s photographer is Sarah Ann Hall.

Anyone is free to either read and write or just read. If interested, go to Rochelle’s site:  http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/ and join in the fun.  If you just want to read (“likes” and comments are always appreciated by all authors), go to the end of the page and click on the little blue critter to access the rest of the stories.  

Warning:  stories will continue to be posted for some days, so check back often.
And now, without further ado, here’s the photo and my story for this week.

aqueduct-copyright--sarah-ann-hall

aqueduct-copyright-sarah-ann-hall

Quite an interrupt-us

Shade dapples us
as we lie in summer flowers.

I offer you prosciutto-wrapped melon,
place it gently in your receptive mouth,
lick the juice drops from your chin.

“The Romans were here,”
you elucidate.
My hand traces patterns across your body.

“They built this aqueduct.”
“An aqua duck?” I josh,
kissing your nearby ear.

The heat increases
as the afternoon lengthens.
I roll over, leaning into you.

You laugh as I tickle your nose
with a stem of grass and slowly
lower my face towards yours.

You sneeze.

A startled moment of frozen time…

then we collapse in helpless laughter.

Comments
  1. nice, light, feathery piece which made me both smile as well as feel what it was like to be there experiencing all that delight (and without telling me what to feel). Randy

  2. Dear Janet,
    That sneeze cheapened the moment, didn’t it? Great sensually evocative piece. Love the title. What the puns were only for Randy? I knew you liked him best. Harrumph!
    Shalom anyway,
    Rochelle

  3. claireful says:

    Very sensual, and beautiful. I can really feel the heat of summer… and desire.
    Claire

  4. You molded the scene beautifully. Sounds like a perfect afternoon.

  5. billgncs says:

    ahhh…. ahhhhh….. chooooooo

  6. Hello…I saw you on wordpress for photography 101 and thought you would like to know that I publish tips for photographers/bloggers on every post. Have a great day.

  7. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    What a lovely way to spend an afternoon. You’ve captured a very nice moment — a talent that I’m sure will make even lovelier lengthier prose.

  8. pirate says:

    Dear me! Rather a lovely poem, making me think of my loved one an hour’s flight away. Very nicely and smoothly romantic, one can almost hear the birds, buzzing grass and grashoppers…

    • Sorry she’s so far away, Managua, but I’m glad the poem made you think of her and that you liked it. Just got back, so I’m hoping to get caught up on some story reading tonight.

      janet

  9. elmowrites says:

    I like how much love there is in this piece, as well as desire. You could easily have made the sneeze a frustration for the narrator, but instead you used it to bring out the couple’s shared sense of humour.

  10. Very nice and romantic.Hope there was no hay fever involved…

  11. tall grass where picnicers can…
    eat prosciutto of course!

  12. zookyworld says:

    Leave it to a sneeze to ruin the moment! But then, we don’t know what happens after the laughter settles down…

  13. Penny L Howe says:

    In all ways perfectly delightfully romantic. A most wonderful read Janet, thank you!

  14. kdillmanjones says:

    What a beautiful story! I felt swept into their moment.

  15. Quite delightful!

  16. julespaige says:

    A daytime adventure to remember. Nice.

  17. This was kinda hot..until the sneeze. lol

  18. Catherine Louise Gurganus says:

    Love it! The sneeze was perfect.

    • Thanks, Catherine. I was trying to come up with something that would be a surprise without it being something horrific, although the sneeze might have been horrific if you were in its path. 🙂

      janet

  19. tedstrutz says:

    Wow… not what I expected. That was getting steamy… then he sneezed, the idiot! Pretty funny… you set a nice table, Janet.

  20. Sandra says:

    Very languid, sensual and then swiftly turning to the urbane. Nicely done Janet.

  21. vbholmes says:

    You lightened the mood first with aqua duck, then the tickling, then brought it home with the sneeze–good job of turning a potentially steamy scene mellow.

    • Thanks, vb. A little heat, a little chill. The funny thing is, I’m sure this kind of thing happens more often than we think, only maybe not always ending in laughter. I think the lightening works when people really care about each other.

      janet

  22. misskzebra says:

    This piece brought certain memories back to my mind…

    Getting distracted even while writing this comment thinking about said memories, but very good piece. I like the phrase Rochelle used: Sensually evocative.

  23. Very sensuous, Janet! Creative take on the picture. I especially like the image of licking melon juice off his chin. Who needs a napkin?

  24. Great imagery. I was so there.

    • Sounds as though the area was a bit crowded for this sort of thing. Several other people said they were there, too. Might be more off-putting than the sneeze. 🙂

      janet

  25. Mystikel says:

    Ah, i was automatically reading that it was she feeding him the prosciutto-wrapped melon and that he sneezed but that kind of ambiguity is great for a small moment like this. Every reader can project their ideal other. Also I was thinking: It’s a good thing she sneezed. Kept you from having to put the adult content warning up 😉

    This really was a very nice piece. A lazy, sensual afternoon in the sun with the one you love.

    • True, it doesn’t really matter who’s who. As far as adult content, I prefer letting the reader use his/her imaginations if desired, rather than describing everything. I find that more interesting and erotic.

      janet

  26. EagleAye says:

    It’s odd, but funny and awkward moments like that can do much to bring a couple together. It’s sometimes the less than perfect that makes things perfect. I really enjoyed this.

  27. unspywriter says:

    Ah, very nice. Those awkward date moments–we’ve all had them.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/sex-drugs-and-rock-and-roll/

  28. annisik51 says:

    I really enjoyed the comic element (well, for me). Making me smile is:
    kissing your nearby ear/lower my face towards yours.
    I have taken the ‘grasses’ as stinging nettles in my tale! Ann

  29. wmqcolby says:

    Neat! Fun, too. One day, I’d like to have a picnic like THAT one! 😉

    Great poetics, Janet!

  30. rgayer55 says:

    Is anyone else itching, or is it just me? Hopefully all the ticks and chiggers are dining on the couple in my story and leave these two alone. Beautifully written, Janet.

    • Thanks, Russ. No bugs in this story. Probably they had a blanket because as “romantic” as it sounds to lie in the grass, it can be rather itchy as you may remember from when you were a child. All itches were of a more adult sort. 🙂

      janet

  31. Alastair says:

    Awwww I love this. Mine are never that nice. Mine usually have death, decay or some other form of violence 😆

    As for what I was going to say on AnElephant’s blog, but his is child friendly.

    One man’s weed is another man’s smoke 🙂

    • Haha. Haven’t been there or done that, but it could easily be. Glad you liked the story. I tend toward the nice, but have worked death and other things in, too.

      Enjoy the weekend,

      janet

      • Alastair says:

        Yeah mine tends to be the ongoing vampire story 🙂 I also did a tree decapitating someone. Although my own Photo Fiction that I run on Sundays, my last one was a nice one, and Picture It & Write was a nice one. I do have it in me … occasionally 😆

  32. neenslewy says:

    Beautiful. I read it twice.

    • Awww, I love reading that! I’m getting towards the end of the stories (at least the ones that are posted now) so I’ll look forward to reading yours tomorrow. Real life is SO interfering when I’m trying to get the house ready for the market!! 🙂

      Hope you have a great weekend.

      janet

      • neenslewy says:

        Oh me too – I have done it backwards – we got the keys for the new place this week and now I have to sell my apartment as fast as I can – it is not the time to have 1 and half mortgages!
        I have put everything in front of selling though – so I need to get a grip. Takes a while to read the FF doesn’t it – I have managed 5… got a workshop in 6 hours though so better get some sleep.
        Good luck with the sale.

      • Thanks. Sleep well and have a good workshop. And good luck with your sale, too.

      • We have a rental house but paid the mortgage off on this one many years ago (thankfully!)

      • neenslewy says:

        That’s a good situation – one we hope to be in soon *within the next few decades.
        Well good luck with it – I can’t wait to have time back – days without packing – without hefty demands on my bank balance – it costs so much to sell a house!

  33. VERY nice. You took me to a place and time, and I was comfortable and happy there.

  34. elappleby says:

    Beautiful – a perfect summer’s day memory trapped for ever in a poem – loved this!

  35. kz says:

    haha this was delightful! really lovely.. great to be inlove. and i so loved the title. ^^

  36. Kwadwo says:

    “They built this aquedact.”
    “An aqua duck?”

    Beautiful play on words. I like it.

  37. 40again says:

    I loved this Janet. Very sensual, yet light and fun
    Well done
    Dee
    🙂

  38. Shreyank says:

    i am used to the twists in the tales from FFers’.. but this was beyond my imagination.. 😉 🙂 the sneeze surely made me laugh !

    • I’m laughing. That’s a good thing and it wasn’t even a horrible or evil twist, just something that could really happen. In FF, sometimes the most unusual twist is one that either doesn’t happen or that’s real. Anyway, so happy you liked it and that it made you laugh.

      Enjoy the weekend!

      janet

  39. Tom Poet says:

    Very well done Janet. You kept it real and fun. I love it. This may be your best poem to date. Excellent work!

    Tom

  40. JackieP says:

    Now this I can relate to! It would surely happen to me if I got all romantic in the grass. 🙂 So far this is my favorite this week. Really well done Janet!

    • Jackie, that would probably happen to me as well, but I’d definitely have a blanket since grass is itchy! He just should have tickled her nose. But it turned out well and laughter is a good thing. 🙂

      Enjoy the weekend.

      janet

  41. Debra Kristi says:

    Um, Wow! And now I have to go play the role of mommy. So not in the mood. 😦 Love this, Janet. Very well done.

  42. Nice. You capture the heat and the sun very well. I like the way the sneeze undercuts the romance in a very real way (though “aqua duck” already signals the coming bathos).

  43. Honie Briggs says:

    I can so see that actually happening in an advertisement for Claritin…”when the moment is right, don’t let allergies ruin a good thing.” HA! enjoyed this Janet.

  44. Very nice evocative job. Viaduct? Why-a-duck indeed?!

  45. troy P. says:

    So much pure love and affection here, I found myself swooning! And I didn’t even know I could do that!

  46. Beautiful piece, had me dreaming of long, languorous summer afternoons. Not bad, considering it’s pouring outside at the moment!

  47. Sarah Ann says:

    So beautiful. A gorgeous picture of a summer of love. If only we had the weather for such a picnic.

  48. This was delicious, Janet. I loved it!

  49. What a nice poem. Makes me jealous that I can’t write poetry of any kind.

  50. A fun one, with the sneeze part which was an unexpected twist. I enjoyed reading this poem.

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