Taking a break from vacation photos, today I’m focusing on the weekly photo prompt for Friday Fictioneers. One hundred words create a complete piece of flash fiction, one that hopefully evokes emotion and reaction. Other writers have different takes and you can read their writings by clicking on the blue creature at the end of my story. Enjoy. And come back tomorrow for more of the vacation saga. Your place, on the porch or on horseback, is waiting.
To my fellow Fictioneers…I’m on vacation, in the mountains, with a slow internet connection and lots to do (especially relaxing.) Although I always read every story every week, I may not get that accomplished this week. If not, I apologize. But at 7,000′, surrounded by family, horses and mountains, things take on a different perspective and priority. Thanks for your understanding and if you’d like to see where I am and what’s going on, check recent and soon-to-come posts and relax with me.
copyright Renee Heath
Hold me closer, tiny dancer
Sitting on the porch, that day plays again for the thousandth time…
Charlotte’s joyful chatter on the drive to her first performance,
the squeal of brakes,
the pickup flying through the red light,
terrible sounds followed by silence that gradually resolved itself into hospital noise,
the pain of body and mind.
They told me she died instantly. Grateful for the small mercy, I still wished it had been me.
Rolling my wheelchair to the table, I wind the music box and watch the ballerina twirl, remembering Charlotte’s excitement that birthday morning and her hug as she cried, “Grandpa, it’s perfect.”
This, that and the other thing 
Wow this is so powerful, but so so sad. You have certainly captured intense emotion and a full story within the world limit.
The whole thing is a bit odd because the idea for the story came almost at once and didn’t want to let go. Then just now, in a book I’m reading, the same general scenario appeared in a book I’m reading, but after the story was posted. 🙂 Glad you liked it.
janet
Your story is well told with action, emotion and pathos, Janet. Very successful.
Good morning, vb, and thanks very much. For some reason, my last few stories deal with death. Not sure why, but I’m glad they work.
Have a great day,
janet
Janet so sad a tale. Beautifully done.
Thanks! I enjoyed yours, too. A wonderful Wednesday to you.
janet
Sometimes the “pen” leads the way to a story..this was heartbreaking. Well written!
The muse certainly dictated this morning. So pleased to worked! Thanks for letting me know it did.
janet
This was genuinely quite heartbreaking. Beautifully told. Thank you.
You’re very welcome. Thanks for visiting and have fun reading. 🙂
janet
I meant to add “..reading all the rest of the stories.”
Dear Janet,
Your muse took you to a dark place this week. i almost could not press the ‘like’ button because your story was so heartbreaking.
Your joy at being at altitude in one of your favorite places shows through in your introduction. Do work on your relaxing skills. You are a marathon story reader and a faithful commenter. Take a break from it all now. We understand.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks for all of that, Doug. I’ll do my best to relax but I do enjoy reading and being in touch as well. As is so often, balance is important if sometimes difficult to achieve.
As for the story, maybe my subconscious brought up the idea after an incident a few weeks ago. I was stopped for a red light, in the right-hand lane of two in each direction. The turn signal for the opposite direction had just gone and cars were turning, when an SUV flew by in the lane to my left, into the intersection, hit the brakes, hit the back end of a turning car, bounced off and took off again. Turned out it was a police chase (three police cars came through afterwards). I was so thankful I didn’t get hit by the SUV, even though I didn’t realize until later how close it was. The people in the car were fine, thankfully, and the police caught the man later.
janet
Like Doug my finger hovered over the “like” button but compliments to you, enjoy the your time out.
Chris.
I know how you feel about the “like” button, but “like” is appropriate for liking the writing, even if the story is sad/weird/whatever. 🙂 But thanks.
janet
Fantastic story! It broke my heart but I really enjoyed it.
Thanks, Lewis. That’s what it was meant to do. 🙂
janet
Nice but sad. The grandfather’s lingering pain is very palpable.
Enjoy your holiday!
Thanks. I will.
janet
Hi Janet,
How do you always crank these out so fast? Being on vacation doesn’t stop you either. Don’t know exactly what mountains, you are visiting, but I used to live at 7,000 feet, so I say enjoy the cool, catch your breath when you need to, and don’t be surprised if it snows! Your story captures tragedy and the aftermath beautifully. Ron
Ron, I’ve been here when it snowed in June, but it’s fairly dry now, so I don’t think we’ll have snow. Early September, though, could be different. We won’t be here then, so…
janet
This is heartbreaking Janet. I so mourn the loss of a child in circumstances that are out of the parent/grandparent. What a tragic experience to have to endure.
I can’t imagine much that’s worse than a parent/grandparent losing a child. It’s not how life is supposed to work.
janet
My mother and father were never the same after my brother died.
Enjoyed your story, very moving. Have fun!
Thanks, and thanks. 🙂
janet
Dear Janet,
As a parent and grandparent, I can’t fathom the anguish of losing a child. There’s nothing more tragic. No parent should outlive a child, but it happens all too often. Beautifully told story from perfect title to aching end.
shalom,
Rochelle
I agree, Rochelle. It’s unthinkable, unbearable, and happens too often. Death is difficult enough to deal with in the normal course of life but when the order is shaken, it’s even more difficult.
janet
Hope you have a wonderful time in the mountains – I cannot believe you find the time to read every story every week! I tried and managed this 2 out 3 times – the other weeks I have picked writers and then selected some randomly and unfortunately then run out of time – usually because my replies are epically long – maybe… one week I tried with LIKE and then went back to comment on a selection – even that week I failed to read ALL the posts – bowing to you – Rochelle and other readers who read everything! WOW!
Off to read about your ‘tiny dancer’ ^^^^ have spent that time trying to get Elton John out of my head, he may not even be the artist for ‘tiny dancer…’
This is sad – beautifully written and a tale that unravels slowly to reveal more and more of the heartache and memory. The ballerina jewellery box, connecting them. Powerful stuff!
Thanks, Neens. The reading is both a joy and a burden, but a burden in a positive way. I like to read the stories, but it can be time-consuming. However, besides enjoying and learning from everyone else, if I want people to read mine, I try to read theirs. If they don’t have time, I completely understand. The responses are what take the time, aren’t they?
janet
From attempting it a few times I know exactly what you mean about the burden and you’re also right it is the comments and reading other comments that takes the time – flash stories are a quick and generally easy read.
I usually skim through the other comments, often after I’ve made mine, otherwise it can be hard to find something to say that hasn’t already been said. But comments are interesting, too. Just have to find the balance, don’t we?
janet
Oh, Janet! Sadness, well done.
Thanks, Honie. It would indeed be a sadness almost beyond bearing.
janet
Oh that was great, very, very sad but great 🙂
Thank you, Helen. Thanks for stopping in. I always appreciate the time taken to read, like and comment!
janet
Whew! That’s a heartbreaker. Excellent, Janet! Top notch.
Thanks a lot, Kent.
janet
So sad. I like it, but at the same time, I don’t. That’s not a bad thing though. It’s just that as a father I know how hard it would hit me if something happened to my little girl and I’d rather not think of things like that. Very powerful tale you’ve got here.
I know exactly what you mean, Adam. I feel the same about it, but it insisted on being written anyway.
janet
Ugh. Horrible. I can’t write any more about it. You did your job well. Randy
Excellent phrase: terrible sounds followed by silence that gradually resolved itself into hospital noise
Much appreciated! 🙂
janet
That’s heartbreaking but beautiful.
Thanks very much, David. Much easier to write about than it would be to experience, that’s for sure.
janet
Very sad, very interesting story! And you used the Elton John tie-in I did, but took it in a dramatically different direction.
Isn’t that one of the great things about the Fictioneers? Some might say we’re a dramatically different group. 🙂 And I daresay they’d be right!
janet
Instead of “i still wished it was me…” I think it should be wish. Either way, this piece certainly speaks to and from your human sensitivity. Well done
Good morning, Rich. I used “wished” because it was in the past, after they’d told him she died instantly. He may still wish it, of course, and if so, it would be “wish.” Thanks for stopping in. I always enjoy your visits and comments.
janet
Thanks to you for writing such touching moments.
Very powerful and so sad.
Thank you, Freya.
janet
O what a sad stories of memories even sadder… excellently told
Thanks very much, Bjorn. Hope you’re enjoying your hiatus or are you back? Either way, thanks for reading.
janet
Lovely but sad story Janet. Do you by any chance have an email address? I’d love to chat with you more….
I do, Renee. TeaNatious@gmail.com. I’m in the mountains of Wyoming on vacation now with slow internet, but I’d be happy to hear from you anytime.
janet
I’ll email you soon love. Take care and have a great vacation. ❤
I hear the sky in Wyoming is beautiful.
It is…and you see all the stars there are to see–no city lights. The daytime sky is beautiful, too…but I might be a little prejudiced. 🙂 I’ll look forward to hearing from you.
Sent you an email my dear. Hope to hear from you soon.
I admire you for reading every story each week – allow yourself this week off to relax and recharge.
As far as your story goes, it’s brief and powerful – you capture survivor’s guilt from the first word to the last. I am left with many questions – particularly whether the accident was Grandpa’s fault or he was another victim, and whether it’s his pickup or another which ran the red. In some ways, this is my concrit, because I’d have liked an answer to those questions. On the other hand, you used your words so delicately, I wouldn’t want you to take any out to “fix” this.
Jen, it’s funny that you mentioned wondering whose fault it was. I meant that they were both victims, but looking back at the story, I see that you take it either way. It seemed to clear to me as I wrote it. Why couldn’t you read my mind??? 🙂 When I have a bit more time, I’ll look at it to see whether I could figure out a simple way to make it clear. We’re at a Starbucks in Billings that’s open for just over half an hour yet, then we have to hang out somewhere, possibly the airport, until our older daughter, her boyfriend, and a friend of Megan’s come in–on two different flights and the latest about midnight–followed by about 2 1/2 hours back to Sheridan and the cabin. I’m trying to catch up on the day’s mail, etc. and read a few more stories, so I’ll apply some thought another day. I’m like you–I like to know. I’m always glad for the feedback.
janet
This was a tear-jerker. You did a great job capturing the sights, sounds, and emotions.
Now, go have some fun.
Thanks, Ray. I am having fun and plan to have a lot more before the end of the trip. It’s fun to able to share the place via my blog.
janet
Oh, so sad, but so well-written.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/prima-ballerina/
Glad you liked it, Maggie.
janet
Our stories have similarities this week. Entirely different approach. I love yours. The tiny ballerina ‘prop’ adds poignancy. Nice touch. Interested in what you wrote about AFTER you posted. I wonder if you were lightly possessed when you wrote this story? Life is a mystery! 🙂
Maybe it was in my subconscious, Ann, but if so, it was buried very, very deep. When reading the stories each week, I often wonder where many of them came from. 🙂
janet
Where stories come from is something that I too marvel at. There are many theories and all of them correct.
Janet, this was so sweet, so sad. You captured very well the regret and longing of loss.
Thanks very much, LISA!!!! 🙂
janet
If anyone can pull real emotion and torment out of readers it is you Janet. This story, again, seems achingly sincere. A powerful read.
Hi, Managua. I’ve been wondering where you were. Nice to “see” you again and thanks for stopping by. Hope you’ve been having fun somewhere. 🙂
janet
Damn Janet, why don’t ya go ahead and make me cry a little more, would ya?
Beautifually done, m’dear.
Many thanks, sir. You’ve made my morning.
janet
So very Sad!
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/08/08/friday-fictioneers-ff-8102013-just-like-marilyn-rated-pg13/
Thanks, Scott. I’m hoping to get to all of the stories this week but I’ll see how vacation goes.
janet
it’s really heartbreaking but i loved the description of the flashback, masterfully done. you did a wonderful job capturing the readers’ emotions.an accident and loss like this would really torment a grandparent.
Thanks, kz. I can’t imagine how horrible it would be.
janet
That’s really moving. And poor grandpa having to live with this.
Thanks very much, Patrick. Just found your remark in my spam folder so forgive me not responding for so long.
janet
The punch this packs–pure power. Loved it.
Many thanks. 🙂
janet
Incredible piece, Janet. Great descriptions and the tie in of the missed performance to the music box is so well crafted. Now back to your relaxing!
🙂 I am relaxing. Had a wonderful ride this morning and the weather’s wonderful. Every time I see your gravatar, it makes me smile.
janet
Oh, how sweet of you to say, Janet. Thank you!
Intense and painful. Losing some one so young is indeed sad.
Thankfully, for me it’s only imagining.
janet
Well told Janet, as usual. A very emotional and powerful story, it stayed with me a while, the music box just finished me
Hope you are enjoying Wyoming and your family
Keep safe
Dee
Thanks, Dee. I’m glad it touched you so deeply. As for Wyoming, I’m always happy to be here and having the entire family here (plus one boyfriend and a friend), is an added bonus.
janet
Oh, so sad – and I too was caught up with the tiny dancer. But you have an entire sad novel in your 100 words. sweet and sad.
Thanks very much and thanks for stopping by to read and comment.
janet
Very moving and heartfelt – thanks, too, for visiting my blog.
Thanks. I’m glad you enjoyed the story and thanks for stopping by.
janet