Friday Fictioneers
Eyes observe photo
Tumbling thoughts settle into
One hundred word story
Copyright Danny Bowman
Out of the Frying Pan
He lies
A useless hulk
A ranging mind or a vast emptiness
No one knows
Once-powerful muscles wasted from lack of exercise
He never speaks
Eyes dead and flat
Bodily functions machine- or human-aided
He lies alone
In silence
She never visits
His wife of many years, absent
No children to hold his hand
Or talk of the day’s activities
Some feel sorrow for him
Her bruises, burns, sometime broken bones
(all hidden)
Ended by the frying pan
That finally destroyed his abuse-ordering synapses
Today she signs the papers
Sending him, she hopes,
To the hell he put her through
A brave act there… I could sense the relief she would have felt…
Nice one Janet 🙂
Thanks! Mind you, I’m not recommending it, but I can understand doing it and getting free of a terrible situation.
janet
Dear Janet,
Poetically justified, cold hearted and brilliant. Bravo!
Shalom,
Rochelle
I guess the polar vortex froze my heart for this week’s story, Rochelle. Or maybe it was a reaction to two weeks of niceness. 🙂 The emptiness of the photo just brought this up. I think the greenness in the back might foreshadow her new life.
janet
This piece is a bit darker than I’m used to from you, but I like it.
I fight my normal upbeat side every so often for the sake of FF variety, Adam. 🙂 Truth be told, this was one of the very first ideas that I got from the photo, but I have no idea why. Muse going dark, I guess. Glad you liked it, though.
janet
Scrambled eggs!
For brains. Yes.
Well, I think he deserved what he got. Beautifully told story of a desperate subject. And a very fitting title.
Thanks, Lisa. He definitely deserved it. Preying on people, no matter their sex or age or circumstance, is abominable. It’s so difficult to do anything about it in the legal system and victims are often cowed or don’t have the means to escape or get retribution.
janet
Powerful. I really felt this.
I could hear the dull thud. Terrific!
Thanks, Honie. I see it as a cast iron pan. 🙂 That would work.
janet
That little hill does look like a bump on a noggin. 🙂
I didn’t even think about that when looking at the photo. It was the emptiness and desolation in front that caught my eye and then later I realized the green hill played in well, too, with her new life. The sneaky muse!!
janet
Rapunzel from Tangled would approve of her method of self defense. On a more serious note, you have portrayed a character who was at first pitiable, and then transformed into a loathsome monster. This piece hit a subject I have a strong attachment to, and did so amazingly well!
Thanks, Hala. It’s a difficult subject!
janet
So, a frying pan, then. I pick a dozen eggs, and if I can get one through your defenses, the yolks on you, darling.
(Groan)
Powerful tale – I love the short little lines (some could consider this a poem) you told it with.
Helena, I’m scrambling to get out of the way of your eggs, but I’m so hard-boiled that even if one hits me, it will just slide off. 🙂 I won’t egg you on, though.
As for the serious side, I’m glad you saw the poetry in a very grim situation. Thanks as always for stopping by.
janet
Sigh… I know when I’m beaten
When the shelling starts
Though some might say that was over easy
You’re poaching on my pun territory now, Helena.
Ha I would never! The next thing you know you’ll be calling me an eggs Benedict Arnold
Anyway I got to go. Omelette for an appointment. I was supposed to be there ovarian hour ago.
Look, Chick, we’ve got to stop now.
You’re right. I’m afraid I’ve used up all my grade a material
Sometimes things just don’t pan out, but it’s nothing to crow about. And sometimes the chickens come home to roost.
Oh that was most fowl! Take Die peak from out my heart
That should have said thy beak
These puns must be cheaper by the dozen.
Okay okay I waved the white flag
The egg white flag
The other readers will think they’ve run afowl of a flock of insanity (and they might be right.) But it’s nothing to crow about!
You know me darling. I don’t give a flying flock what they think. =)
I know you never pullet your punches!
What can I say? I am fillet of surprises. (we are really pushing it now. You ready to give up yet Janet?)
Well, I have to get dinner ready, so my entries will have to roost for now. 🙂
You win
But it was fun! Thanks. Hope you have a great evening.
And besides all that, you’re toast…and I’m not just buttering you up! You’ll be in a jam if you keep going.
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!
Oh my! You guys crack me up!! Janet, I can’t believe we both went with frying pans… I was actually thinking of my great-grandmother’s cast iron pan. Your story is really powerful, the layers of abuse, terror and flipping the situation. Well done! I know you are done with this yolk, but things are rarely black and white.
I’m not biting on the pun today. I just won’t. 🙂 Glad you liked the story and I hope your day’s off to a great start.
janet
It was too much fun reading the string of havoc you and Helena did yesterday. I was just scrambling to find a single word to play on. 😉 But the story, the story was wonderful, Janet. Hope your day is grand, as well.
It was lots of fun punning back and forth but I feel another round waiting to break out if I give it but the slightest toehold and I have work to do!
I have no more. No worries. 😉 I have work too… Have a good one!
Dark and deadly, a change for you, but I like the sense of retribution and also the feeling of being free at last.
Dee
I haven’t done anything dark for a bit, but didn’t consciously go for that. It’s difficult not to sympathize with the woman, isn’t it?
janet
Yes, almost impossible I’d say 🙂
Dee
Uncharacteristically vengeful of you Janet, but I enjoyed it. Well done.
🙂 The dark side peeks out sometimes. Must be from reading all the FF stories every week!
janet
Whoa! It reminds me of the chocolate story I did way back in my earliest days with FF. My main character killed his sister by hitting her on the head with a frying pan. I guess there’s just no substitute for a really perfect weapon like that. This was very well-done, Janet. Unusually dark from your muse, but crafted just right.
Thanks, Sandra. I agree it’s not my usual but some bits of life are just dark. Glad you liked it.
janet
Wow. Very powerful, and a very apt reaction to the desolation we all feel in the photo. Great job.
The desolation of the photo is exactly what brought this on. It was in her heart and in his eyes once he was a vegetable. Thanks, Jan.
janet
This was wonderfully told. I have a friend who actually implemented the frying pan defense. You drove this point home.
I’m sorry to hear that your friend had to actually use this but there are too many women who are never able, for whatever reason, to defend themselves or leave. It breaks my heart.
janet
I agree. This particular friend is strong. She knocked him out and when he went to get up she said “Oh no you’re not going get up. I’d suggest you stay down till I get out of here.” Needless to say they divorced immediately.
Very satisfying!
I thought you might think so, M.R. 🙂
janet
Woe is me! – I am predictable! [grin]
Nice change-up idea on the photo. Thanks
Glad you liked it, Alicia. Thanks for visiting and commenting.
janet
Quite the revenge story. Well done!
Thanks very much, Bryan.
janet
Sounds like he is already in hell–what could be worse than the life you describe? I like the form you’ve used. Well developed and well told story.
I think she’s thinking more of hell in the heaven-hell sense, where he’d know he was being punished.
janet
Janet, I like the twist in this, going from feeling bad for an (apparently) senile old man to finding out the real story. Masterfully done.
(By the way, loved the pun war between you and Helena. You guys are hilarious).
Praise from the praise worthy is praise indeed, David. Thanks. As for the pun war, it was a lot of fun for us, so I’m glad others were enjoying it, too.
janet
Well done and powerful. Descriptive words that painted a definite picture. Sounds like she had to defend herself or die.
I think she did. I’ve never understood staying with someone who abused you, but I know it can be very difficult, in so many ways, to leave. To abuse what should be the most loving, intimate relationship of both your lives is a terrible thing.
janet
the poet came through again. a painful story told in verses.
Thanks, Plaridel. I do tend towards poetry sometimes.
janet
I loved the way I started off by feeling sorry for him, then came the revelation of his abuse and the wife’s revenge – very good!
Excellent Haiku at the start by the way. That should be emblazoned on an FF logo to be regularly displayed by us all 🙂
I’m happy to donate the haiku to FF if Rochelle wants to use it (or anyone else, so long as my name’s appended.) As for the story, I’m glad it worked so well. Thanks.
janet
The realisation of what happened in this horrific story is slowly and brilliantly built. It’s very powerful, Janet.
Thank you, Karen. I really appreciate that.
janet
A life or two destroyed. All very sad. Beautifully done.
Two for sure, Patrick. Abuse is a terrible thing.
janet
Sometimes there is justice in the end!Am so glad that she sent him to the same hell where he had kept her-hope he gets to “savour” it-hate abusers! Loved the sad undertones which makes the reader feel sad for the man and then the equally evocative lines of her pain and finally sweet(well,as much as possible )revenge!Excellent writing Janet 🙂
That was fast! Thanks very much. Revenge is never good but it’s sometimes understandable.
janet
I agree-in real life it is mostly only a thought-thankfully but in fiction,we always hope that justice will prevail-even if it means resorting to underhand means 😉 Nah,had already read some -now will pick some more and comment,then take a break-head is pounding 😛
descriptive and dark and delicious. i love the phrase ‘abuse-ordering synapses’ and of course the final line! 🙂
Right up your alley, kz. 🙂 Glad you liked it.
janet
Hi Janet,
Your really cooked up a good one. With its theme of a woman’s getting her revenge on an abusive man, who could pan it? Some beautifully arranged words, brazed to perfection. Ron
Not going there, Ron, I’m just not (although I can feel it pulling at me to get out!!) Must…resist.
But thanks. 🙂
janet
That was excellent, with an unexpected twist. It passed my personal test of a second reading!
Liz, that’s praise indeed! Thanks for letting me know. It put a smile on my face.
janet
First the wordplay with fryingpan is excellent… and yes I would think that it was just.. I love how you lulled us into feeling pity for him until you painted the background more clear…
It ended up to be quite a mix–a story with a different ending than expected and a dark story for the most part at that, then the craziness with the puns. A good day!
janet
I like it myself when a story ends up differently when I first think of it…
I think I misunderstood you. Did you mean the title? I was thinking about Helena and me going back and forth. But the title was a bit of a pun, too. The story, however, went pretty much as it came into my head.
Great abstract take on the photo. Had to stretch my brain cells to see the connection.
That desolate look did it and the muse just ran with it. Hope your brain cells recovered. 🙂 Stretching is good.
janet
I loved this! Different for you Janet, but so good. It’s what I would have done.
Thanks very much, Jackie. I do go to the dark side sometimes, more often since I’ve been part of FF. 🙂
janet
Potent and all too common. Well done.
Regards
Jim
Thanks, Jim. It’s a shame that things like this occur.
janet
Janet, I like the use of poetry for this piece. An interesting take on this week’s prompt. Good poem. I wonder if you might choose to eliminate the old-form capitalization of each line in favor of a more modern style of capitalization (or perhaps no capitalization at all), especially since you have left out punctuation for the most part. The way you punctuate really works, IMO. Nicely handled.
All my best,
MG
This is the second skillet-wielding post this week! Well written, and our hearts go out to those who’ve suffered like this.
I enjoyed your story, Janet. But I really got a kick out of your exchange with Helena. I think you two could go on for hours, possibly days.
Well, I’m off to hide the cast iron skillets from Connie.
Good idea to hide the skillets, Russ…but you’d better check if they’re all there!! I think Helena and I could have punned on, but real life is such an interruption!!
janet
I love the way this story unfolds, pulling the readers sympathies with it
Thanks, Siobhan!
janet
A sad, tragic story, but I can certainly sympathize with the wife. Really well done, Janet.
Thanks, Amy. I think it’s a tough subject to know how to handle from many different perspectives. I think for some, there’s a point at which they simply snap and this woman certainly hit that point (and her husband as well.)
Working my way towards your story. Hope you have a great weekend!
janet
There’s snapping and then there’s self-preservation. I can see how it happens.
Well, I got mine in at the end as usual! I hope you have a great weekend, too!
There might be something between meekly being abused and attempting to kill the person, at least I hope so. But I know what you mean.
Very good write…dark as it is, these dark stories do exist in our bright shiney world…only usually there are no frying pans to make a difference! Have a great week-end!
You’re right, Georgia. Many don’t ever escape. Have a wonderful weekend, too.
janet
You too janet…georgia.
What courage and steel it must’ve taken her to make that final decision. Sometimes life does put people in terrible situations, but only few have the strength to pull through. Beautifully written!
I very much appreciate your comments. It would be a horrible situation in which to find yourself but at least she finally escaped.
janet
Didn’t expect this from you! Well done . Always keep a frying pan is my motto!
I do go to the darker side sometimes with my Friday Fictioneer writing, the result, I’m sure, of being surrounded by so many dark stories each week. Always good to try different styles. I’m glad it worked.
janet
It surly did and I respect a great writer !
Awwww, that’s nice of you to say. Thanks.
You get him girl! Great revenge story!
So powerful.
now that i look at the photo again, yes, i can see exactly the beast you write about. love the way you took us through this woman’s awful hell.
There was something about the emptiness and desolation of the landscape that drew out this story.
janet
That guy is not me. I’m not that bad (well, not frying pan bad)! Very effective story.
Thanks, Perry.
janet
Now that’s dark. I feel slightly guilty for thinking he deserved it. Well done.
Isn’t life made up of sometimes unclear emotions and choices? Thanks for reading and commenting, Etienne. Tomorrow it all begins again. 🙂
janet
I know, it’s like an addiction. In a good way.
So much said in so few words…the story described pages and pages of material.
Thanks, Scott. Nice to see you again. I hope all’s well and you’ve just been busy.
janet
Mostly. I don’t sleep well anymore and have had a few things on my mind lately, so I am / have been tired. Well, though. Thanks.
Praying for peace of mind for you and restful sleep. 🙂
janet
Thank you, Janet. I will be fine. God is right there next to me.
Scott