Friday Fictioneers…Initiation (reprise)

Posted: August 27, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , ,

This “lovely” photo was one of the earliest prompts in my Friday Fictioneers career and probably my only attempt at sci-fi/fantasy.  I’ve tweaked my original story ever so slightly before offering it again for comments and criticism.  Nice to be back again. I’ve missed you.  I won’t be reading all the stories each week, but I’ll do my best to read as many as possible.

grapevine2bgoo1(1)(copyright Madison Woods?)

Initiation

“Hurry!”  His voice grew more urgent.  “Much longer and it will begin to live again!”

I plunged the knife into the beautiful, silvery body and began to saw.  The hacking blade made a noise like a rusty zipper, juddering through the alligator-like skin.  A putrid stench filled my nostrils.  I reached into the body for the essence of the creature’s life.  Shuddering, I pulled it out and tossed it aside, where it caught on some desiccated grape vines, the quivering viscous globules looking like mutant grubs.

Keeping my tone even I asked, “Do I really have to eat it?”

Comments
  1. kingsleycw13 says:

    Love it. Something about the visceral that appeals I feel, particularly with phrases like ‘mutant grubs’ and ‘noise like a rusty zipper.’ Very Lovecraftian!

  2. Delightfully repulsive!

  3. The difference is all in the way you tell it, and there you kept the pacing just right, holding off to the last while providing some succulent details – very well-told indeed comma Janet…heh heh.

    • Thanks a lot, Hamish. I’m laughing about the “comma Janet” as I did an entire post on that very use of a comma, only to have people respond to me enthusiastically…and sans said comma. Such exquisite irony.

      janet

  4. Brilliant, and a great last line. I actually felt myself shudder.

  5. Yes yes… you have to eat it.. I love when sci-fi becomes all gory and slimy..

  6. Oh my, I am eating my lunch…I would say what a great story, but am trying to hold it down. 😀

  7. DCTdesigns says:

    I think it is mandatory for the first kill. Well written. Too well written. Sorry have to run. I’m feeling a bit sick.

  8. Lynda says:

    This leaves me with questions. Now I wish I could read what came before – and after. Well done!

  9. That is so funny/ghastly. Lovely piece.

  10. LOL, I’ve enjoyed seeing the resurrection of this lovely photo 🙂 Your story was gooey and gross and quite fitting. And I never could figure out why people in the old scifi movies didn’t avoid the slimy things either!

  11. jwdwrites says:

    If you kill it you gotta eat it! Very descriptive Janet, I enjoyed it a lot. 🙂

  12. plaridel says:

    great story, but could it be worse than broccoli?

  13. Sounds like a remake of Michael Jackson’s song by Weird Al Yankovic:

    EAT IT. EAT IT.
    JUST PICK UP YOUR SPOON and EAT IT.

  14. Mike says:

    I think my granddaughters and I will just go to our local grocery store. There, you don’t have to know where it came from — and I don’t have to explain, ha.

  15. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Janet, Good story and creepy! Thanks! Nan 🙂

  16. draliman says:

    Very good! It started out rather gross and then the last line seals the deal!

  17. Mine too gets eaten. Not that I really could. Nice to see you again Janet. Good story.

  18. hugmamma says:

    Don’t know if I could eat the stuff if my life depended upon it. Or even if earth’s survival depended upon it. Then again, I might have to rethink that one…the pressure, you know…of all earth’s creatures watching me…and waiting, waiting, waiting…

  19. Disgustingly effective! Glad I have some mints handy 😛
    It’s good to have you back on the bus, Janet 🙂

  20. Glad you’re back! My hands feel very “gummy” after reading this.

    • Haha, Alicia. Thanks for the welcome back. It’s good to be back but it’s been a wonderful and much-needed break. I’m slowly working my way through stories, but I’ve given up trying to get to all of them. It was driving me insane. 🙂

      Enjoy the weekend.

      janet

  21. Amy Reese says:

    Welcome back, Janet! Good to see you again. And what a photo to return to. This is great descriptive writing, and I certainly would never want to eat this. You make me want to throw up, so I say job well done! Thank you.

  22. Lucy says:

    I don’t think so. Oh, gross. That’s a twist, I must say. Oh, no way would I eat that. Well done. Yuck. Lucy

    • Yeah, i don’t think my heroine is too thrilled with the idea either. Reminds me of Indians eating the hearts and livers of animals they killed, thinking they were taking in the strength or essence of the animal. Yuck to that, too, especially since what they ate was raw. 🙂

      janet

  23. Dear Janet,

    I kind of remember this one. Perfect child’s-eye-view. Reminds me of my kids at my first attempt to cook eggplant. I didn’t make them eat it, it was awful. 😉

    I enjoyed the reread.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Welcome back to the “real” world, Rochelle. Thanks for taking time from your weekend to re-read my story. As initiations go, this one was a doozy. Not sure where the story came from. Perhaps eggplant? 🙂

      janet

  24. Scared and disgusted me at the same time! Good job.

  25. Alice Audrey says:

    Eeeeeewwww!

    Can it be eaten?

    • In my story, it would be similar to eating the raw liver or heart of an animal just killed to take in its strength and honor it. Not my thing at all but hey, it’s just a story and a sci-fi one at that. 🙂

      janet

  26. Sarah Ann says:

    I find it quite amazing how so many of us developed this photo into a food source. Great description of the sawing as a rusty zipper.

  27. rgayer55 says:

    I loved the rusty zipper line. This story reminds me of a song we used to sing as kids, “Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, little birdies dirty feet.” And yes, Mom expects you to clean your plate, Janet.

  28. wmqcolby says:

    Disgusting. You made it fun, though. REALLY fun, Janet!

    😀

  29. Welcome back, Janet! I’ve missed you. However, this icky imagery may stick with me for a while. Thanks for that. 😉

  30. Penny L Howe says:

    Janet, That was just simply disgustingly wonderful, most especially the ending. Love it, of course! 😀

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