Friday Fictioneers: Autumn

Posted: September 3, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers, Poetry
Tags: , , , , , ,

I’m pretty sure that according to this week’s prompt, we’re all toasting marshmallows (yes, they’re giant-sized) to make s’mores (dark chocolate on mine, please) for Rochelle’s birthday tomorrow. But just in case I’m wrong (or even if I’m right), I’ve included a story, a haibun this week,  for Friday Fictioneers, a confection created from 100 words and mixed each week with other such confections that can be accessed by clicking on the little blue critter at the bottom of the post.  Beware!  Some of these confections might be tricks, rather than treats.  Some will be sweet, others might be sickening.  But you won’t know which is which until you click and read.

So happy birthday, Rochelle.  Thanks for hostessing this diverse group of confectioners and may your birthday be a sweet one.

copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

copyright Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

The first leaf fell today,
	lacking even grace of color,
to lie quiescent on the sidewalk
	‘til wind-blown travel claimed it.
Soon millions more will throw themselves
	to willing death,
flaming brightly before reduced to
	crackling beneath feet in futile protest.

Days grow shorter, nights stretch longer,
	nights where passion once flamed brightly,
now passing also into death,
	unwilling on my part,
	kamikaze-like on yours.

The fire that now burns
	devours all the love
	and leaves not even embers
	that soft breath could coax back to life.

Autumn's harbingers
Lie dying before my eyes
Love once green now dead

Comments
  1. brainsnorts says:

    crackling beneath feet in silent protest.

    if it’s “crackling,” then is it really silent?

  2. brainsnorts says:

    now passing also into death,

    “also” does it mean that is has also passed somewhere else?
    i’m wondering what “also” adds to the line. i think i’m mis-reading something.

    or did this leaf pass into deal in addition to the other leaf, and that’s why the “also”?

    • “Also” is for the passion that is dying and since the leaves are dying to, the “also” ties the two deaths together. Make sense now? Thanks for the feedback as always.

      • brainsnorts says:

        that’s what i thought, but:

        where passion once flamed brightly,
        now passing also into death,

        because you said “where passion once flamed” i feel it covers what “also” would give, so i don’t think you need also. if you didn’t have “now” then you would need “also.”

  3. That parallel between the dying leaves and the love that leaves (!) is so well expressed.. still only by dying rebirth can come.. This is a very good haibun I think.. It made me glad to read (though the subject is tough)

  4. Dee says:

    Janet you write haibun so well, I never seem to get the hang of it. Sad to think of love dying like the leaves, but very well expressed.
    Dee

  5. wmqcolby says:

    An elegy to summer. Wonderful, Janet! This is something my mom would appreciate since she’s big into nature.

  6. I know nothing about poetry but I thought this was really beautiful.

    • That’s all you need to know…does it work for you. I’m so glad. Haibun is simply a story, either in prose or poetry, with a haiku at the end. I’m a novice yet, but enjoying the learning process.

      janet

  7. paulmclem says:

    Not seen (i.e. read) you for a while. Is this the beginning of an end to Wordless Wednesdays?

    • Ahh, Paul, thanks for missing me. We were blessed to be able to take several vacations this year, all of which came within about a month-and-a-half time frame. Keeping up with the blog was enough computer time for me. I regret that Wordless Wednesday comes on the same day as Friday Fictioneers (an oddity, if you think about it at all), but I think I’ll be writing again for some time. Hope you enjoyed Wordless Wednesdays, though. I’m always striving to find the balance among writing, photography and any combination of the two.

      janet

  8. unwilling on my part,
    kamikaze-like on yours. Love this – it says so much! Thanks for the explanation of Haibun. Several FF writers have been using it lately. Delightful piece this week.

  9. A beautiful poem with a strong metaphore. Haibun is something I have yet to try.

  10. K.Z. says:

    this was gorgeous Janet… so beautifully expressed! 🙂

  11. plaridel says:

    i guess it’s nature’s way. leaves have to fall and die so others can take their place.

  12. Mike says:

    Very emotional … nicely done. … I second K.Z. comment “so beautifully expressed!”

  13. Archon's Den says:

    I don’t know great art (or Haibun), but I know what I like, and I liked the expressive feel of this. Well done. 🙂

  14. Dear Janet,

    Life cycle beautifully expressed and the dried feeling of lost love and loneliness. Lovely and sad.

    Thank you for the birthday greetings. It’s going to be a good one. 😉 Although Jan will have to eat the dark chocolate for me.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  15. elmowrites says:

    What started as an ode to summer became something much more personal as the poem progressed, Janet. I enjoyed that and the way you coaxed your readers to just the place you wanted us.
    Thanks for the birthday heads-up too, I’m off to send some wishes of my own!

  16. Pat says:

    Very evocative imagery here Janet. Well done 🙂

  17. Janet, this is beautiful! So sad and yet so beautifully written. I’m glad it’s fiction!

  18. hafong says:

    It’s lovely. You’re expressing what I feel. Wish I wrote it.

    Lily

  19. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Janet, This is so absolutely beautiful – I love every line and it has so much sadness in it that only Spring will make it right. Good job – excellent! Nan 🙂

  20. draliman says:

    This is beautiful! Such wonderful imagery.

  21. Janet, I also know what I like, and I thought it was lovely–sad but lovely. I miss the fall season. It doesn’t exist here. Well written. 🙂 —Susan

    • Thanks so much, Susan. Fall is just poking its head out a tiny, tiny bit here (a few leaves down, some fall colors). I’m going to enjoy the rest of summer while knowing that I’ll enjoy fall as well.

      janet

  22. rgayer55 says:

    I loved the anology of the dying love. Perhaps with spring a new love will also blossom.

  23. Alice Audrey says:

    So sad. Definitely not the right kind of love for me.

    • Alice, it’s not the kind of love for anyone. No one wants their love to die, but it happens sometimes. Hopefully you’ll never experience it except through other people’s writing. And just so you know, this is fiction for me as well. 🙂 Enjoy the weekend.

      janet

  24. Amy Reese says:

    I really enjoyed this halibun structure, although I’m not that familiar with it. This was quite beautiful, Janet.

  25. I don’t quite understand hailbun but I enjoyed reading this. It felt romantic to me.

  26. Well, that teaches me a new word! And autumn as a metaphor for death and death of love is something I well understand. Very movingly expressed, Janet.

  27. kingsleycw13 says:

    ‘Soft breath could coax..’ Oh, nice line! Nice line! Brilliant!

  28. Janet! Your heart is in poetry – surely. I am quite amazed to be honest, and find this a whole new level of writing. I think the matching of haiku and verse here just works wonderfully. Dare I call it a haibun..not sure, I think you turned it into a more exciting genre like this. And really, so powerful, tragic. As I started – for me it is a whole new level to see this. I think you might find this challenge nice, http://magpietales.blogspot.fi/ and of course there is dverse, where Bjorn ‘tends the bar,’ a fabulous challenge.

  29. This is so lovely, Janet. Melancholy, but lovely. Well done!

  30. Sun says:

    beautiful flow that captivates the imagination on the coming new season. the haiku, lovely.

  31. vbholmes says:

    Hi Janet,
    A treat to see you on dVerse — and a lovely metaphorical haibun for your initial offering. Look forward to reading more of your poetry.

  32. The fire that now burns
    devours all the love
    and leaves not even embers
    that soft breath could coax back to life… that is a wonderful stanza! beautiful write and I’m very excited that my fav season is here… smiles

  33. ManicDdaily says:

    A very well-executed metaphor, with vivid appeals to the senses. Thanks. k.

  34. claudia says:

    smiles… nice to see you at dVerse… and sorry that i’m so late… just back from driving my daughter to trier where she will go to university – helped her settle into the new place and stuff…smiles
    i love autumn on one hand – all the colors – but then the fall as well – reminds us that nothing lasts forever and that gives me shivers a bit sometimes

  35. How sad to realize love that’s dead, your choice of metaphor captures it well.

  36. ManicDdaily says:

    Hey Janet–I think this is the same link that was posted–it’s a lovely poem, thanks.

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