Friday Fictioneers–Reflections

Posted: September 10, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , ,

Friday Fictioneers Haiku

Eyes observe photo
Tumbling thoughts settle into
One hundred word story

ffcopyright janet m. webb

Reflections

I remember a falling star mirrored in your eyes as we lay, laughing, in the damp grass.

I remember diamonds mirrored in your eyes as you said, “Yes, yes, oh, yes.”

I remember candlelight mirrored in your eyes as we raised our glasses high.

I remember passion mirrored in your eyes as we loved.

I remember tears mirrored in your eyes as you held our daughter in the hospital.

I remember myself mirrored in your unseeing eyes as I gently removed the pillow from your face.

I remember the emptiness of my eyes mirrored in those of your dead lover.

******

 This week it’s my photo, which can sometimes make writing difficult as I have associations with the photo, memories, the back story.  Hopefully you’ll realize as you read that I strayed more than a bit from my own reality while crafting this week’s story and perhaps also from what you expect from me.  Must be that 30-year anniversary coming up on Monday that inspired the story.  🙂

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Comments
  1. erinleary says:

    Hi Janet – Lovely, dark and complete in 100 words. You may want to correct the title spelling – looks like a typo.

  2. This is a lovely piece, the repetition works well.

  3. BrainRants says:

    Poetic and dark. I like this.

  4. Well, this is heavy…you delivered, Janet. Without a doubt. And thank you for the photo.

  5. Quite a dark twist at the end! 🙂

  6. Sandra says:

    Why Bill, I just told her it would be a really novel way to spend a wedding anniversary… Nicely spooky Janet, a girl after my own heart.

  7. sandraconner says:

    Well, this is a POWERFUL comeback after a brief time away! Very well done, Janet. I definitely did not expect what I read in line six. Hmmmm — Running around in French castles just might be conducive to a whole new line of creativity.

    • Maybe it was meeting Sandra Cook. 🙂 She has a rather devious mind for this sort of thing. Just decided to try something a bit different today and I’m glad it seems to be working.

      janet

      • sandraconner says:

        I didn’t know, until I read it on Doug’s site, that you are the Mayor of your town. How long have you been mayor? And congratulations. You may have posted something about it, but this past year my life has been a little chaotic, so I haven’t paid as close attention to things outside that chaos.

      • He’s just pulling both your legs, Sandra. When he and I were visiting Rochelle earlier this year, the three of us, plus Rochelle’s husband Jan, drove to meet Russ and his wife. On the way, we passed through Webb City, where Doug insisted on taking this photo. You haven’t missed anything!

  8. Yowza! I did not see that ending coming. Great twist.

    I really like your Haiku at the top too… what an inventive way to describe Friday Fictioneers 🙂

    • Thanks, Rachel. I did the haiku months ago when I was on a kick of having inventive openings. I got tired of the same, boring way I was explaining what FF was. I’m glad you liked it and the story.

      janet

  9. That caught me off guard. I was not expecting that from you, but then it appears neither was he.

  10. Elizabeth says:

    Very sad story! I like the style of repeating the word remember, it’s like a poem.

  11. kirizar says:

    I did like the drip-drip rhythm of the lines, but was unhappy that the ending wasn’t sweetly poignant. Somehow I felt the beginning set the story up to be a happy ‘reflection’ of a life well-loved. Of course, it might be my rose-colored-glasses expectations have set me up for disappointment rather than your writing doing so.

    • Generally I write happy stories, but sometimes I want to try something different. The husband obviously thought life was well-loved but the wife has something else going on. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes although, thankfully, it doesn’t usually end in double murder. Of course, my objective was to set up the expectation of a happy ending and then change it and that obviously worked. Don’t worry; there will be plenty more upbeat stories. Thanks for reading and commenting.

      janet

  12. draliman says:

    A powerful telling of a life with such promise gone tragically wrong. I liked the repetition with the theme of reflections.

  13. That pillow at the end.. wonder if I should be concerned if Bill cease to post next week… anyway congratulations in advance. The picture was both easy and very hard to find a story to tell. The effect of repetitions is very effective to drive the story forward.

  14. Sorchia D says:

    Very nice progression. I love the journey you’ve created.

  15. Imelda says:

    Well done. I liked how you focused the story on what the eyes see.

  16. paulmclem says:

    Being honest Janet, the repetition of both ‘remember’ and ‘mirrored’ is a bit too much for me. However, I can see how plenty of others would disagree.

  17. plaridel says:

    wow, i didn’t expect it to end that way.

  18. Dear Madame Mayor,

    All this time I thought it was a true story. The last two lines made me choke on my Sauvignon Blanc. Nicely done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  19. Archon's Den says:

    You really dropped the hammer in that sixth line. Well done. 🙂

    I’m with you rather than Paul. The piece is too short to really develop repetitiousness.

  20. wmqcolby says:

    Whoa! Talk about having a literary WTF moment this month …! You had me going then you pulled away the ladder. Bravo, Janet! Top notch!

  21. dmmacilroy says:

    Dear Janet,

    Ever see Time Bandits? After reading your powerful story I can only say, ‘Mom, Dad, don’t touch it. It’s Evil!’.

    Very well crafted.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  22. Shilpa Gupte says:

    I was so carried away by all the mushy stuff in the beginning and then – then it ended, leaving me stunned! Enjoyed reading your post, Janet!
    The name of my heroine in this week’s post is Janet and so is the name of my dearest friend! What a coincidence! 🙂

  23. high five and raspberries says:

    I was caught up in your romance and then found myself grinning like a fool at your ending. Haha well done.

  24. Lucy says:

    Wow. I did not see that coming. Maybe divorce, but this. Well done. Lucy

  25. Melanie says:

    Oh wow. A betrayed heart can lead people into terrible darkness. It’s so tragic when someone acts on it.
    You built the beauty of a loving relationship, only to smother it like the husband did his wife and her lover. I love it!

  26. It was dark, but I am curious, as to the reason behind the death. Maybe bored after all those years together?

  27. Perry Block says:

    Wow, I didn’t expect this piece to go there. I was all set to be lovey-doveyed out. And I hate being lovey-doveyed out, so good job, Janet!

  28. Lynda says:

    This was very well done. I’m following along, it’s all nice and romantic, and WHAM! Not what I was expecting! 🙂

  29. pattisj says:

    You went off the deep end this week, Janet–and you did it so well! I can see where it would be hard to write for one’s own prompt, but you made it look easy. I liked your haiku, too.

  30. Not what I expected from you… at all! But, that made the twist that much more delicious. Very nice, m’dear. And, again, I LOVE the new photo of you!

    • Always expect the unexpected. 🙂 I decided to work outside my usual type of story, although I’ve had other non-happy stories, more than I sometimes think. Glad you like it and the photo as well. 🙂

      janet

  31. rgayer55 says:

    You’re such a humane killer. Most women would just nag their husband to death.

  32. Wow… what a surprise. I love it.

  33. […] Stop by and read the stories, show some appreciation to Janet Webb for contributing her photo (and story), or create your […]

  34. Sarah Ann says:

    Lovely. I didn’t see that end coming, especially with those opening loving repeats. Wonderful ending.

  35. Wow! the repetition draws the reader in and bam we never expected that ending…well done! this could also respond to the prompt at MindLoveMiserysMenagerie.wordpress.com the prompt is The other woman. http://wp.me/p3ia4v-32p

  36. Really your poetry is lovely. And a very personal style. This is so strong, rhythmic, accessible. A beautiful post Janet..

  37. Janet, Just about everything’s been said already. Dark for your pieces, but well written. :)—Susan

  38. Nan Falkner says:

    Dear Janet, If you need an alibi – I’m very helpful and I’m free. Let me know, otherwise, this is a heck of a good story, very moving and the dirty rotten, two-timin, creep deserved it; But, maybe his lover didn’t know he was married and in that case – OOOPS! I’ll still provide an alibi for you! he he he
    Nan 🙂

    • Somehow, I don’t think the police will care whether he knew or not. I’ll give you a ring if they show up and thanks for the willingness to help. Just so I know what to say, be sure to let me know what you plan to tell them my alibi is. 😉

      janet

  39. […] Rochelle Wisoff-Fields, who hosts the Friday Fictioneers at her blog Addicted to Purple. Thanks to Janet Webb for the photo, which gave me lots of ideas. It’s a […]

  40. Amy Reese says:

    I could see how it might be difficult to write from your own prompt! I’ve never done it yet. I have photos to submit, but haven’t. Maybe I don’t want to be in this position. Well, your character sure has run the gamut of emotions here. I enjoyed your piece very much. Will it be your 30th Wedding Anniversary? Whoa! What an accomplishment.

  41. Scary. Has your husband read this?

    • You’ll find his comments in the comment section in a chat with Russ. I’d actually envisioned this as a husband killing his unfaithful wife and her lover. So he’s safe. Thanks for stopping by, Patrick.

      janet

  42. Swoosieque says:

    Oh my goodness! I wasn’t expecting murder! You reeled me in, hook, line and sinker! Loved it! 😀

  43. margirene says:

    I like the rhythm and pace of this. It’s just right – gives an understated feeling to the horror. I like the ‘gentle’ removal of the pillow too, for the same reason. Marg

  44. Dee says:

    Love the repetition and the concept. Quite dark for you, i think Sandra Cook has a lot to answer for!!
    Well written as always
    Dee

  45. Alice Audrey says:

    I certainly hope you strayed more than a bit, though I can well believe it’s reality for someone out there.

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