Friday Fictioneers (Thursday’s round 2)…She’s come undone

Posted: September 18, 2014 in Friday Fictioneers, Poetry
Tags: , , , ,

A second 100-word story came to mind, almost as-is and pushing to be born, so I post it here today as a companion piece to yesterday’s story...or to stand on its own. I’ll re-post Dawn’s lovely photo so you can see where the inspiration originated.

©Tales_From_the_Motherland©Tales_From_the_Motherland

She’s come undone.
All the carefully packed
    sections of her life worked loose,
    edges unraveling
    as if pulled by a malicious hand,
    spilling out their contents
    into random heaps,
    top layers caught by winds of chance
    and blown away
Nothing can put them back
    and she thinks perhaps
    she shouldn’t try,
    should simply lie down
    beneath them all and
    inhale deeply.
Too simple; the coward’s way
    and so she dashes uselessly
    here and there
    attempting to gather the pieces of her life,
    
not seeing the beautiful pattern that they make,

    sitting in despair 
    in the rubble
    (as she deems it.)

Comments
  1. kirizar says:

    I liked this tremendously without having read the first installment. I think I would have stopped at the lines: ‘attempting to gather the pieces of her life, not seeing the beautiful pattern that they make.’ It has a finality to it that speaks to me. There is a positivity in those two sentences that gives hope that eventually the person might recognize the pattern someday. The last three lines take away that hope, I think.

    • Kiri, thanks for reading and taking the time for such an thoughtful response. I see what you mean, but I don’t think she’s yet recognized it and the last line, to me, illustrated the disconnect. Hopefully someone will be able to help her recognize that good.

      janet

  2. I like your take on the picture, seeing it as a mosaic of someone’s life. I think it’s only in retrospect that we can see all the messiness in our lives as having a place in the larger picture. Nice job.

  3. draliman says:

    I can feel her desperation as she tried to put everything back together again, I hope she comes to realise that everything is actually okay.

  4. Dear Janet,

    I’d say she’s looking at the wrong side of the tapestry.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  5. I like both stories, Janet. This one (or poem) is very powerful. There are so many people living their lives like this! Wonderfully written.

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