Thanks for the feedback, Tish, and I’m happy you liked the poem. My point with the last line is the transitory nature of the silence and the repetition of the waves. I don’t think the effect would be the same without it.
The sound of the wind allows us landlocked people to imagine for time that we’re near the ocean or the sea. It’s really rather nice. As I said to Tish, I wanted to show that the silence doesn’t last and that the sound repeats. For that to happen, I think I need the last line. What do you think? Either way, of course, I’m glad you liked the poem. 🙂
Absolutely lovely! And I don’t want to sound argumentative, but I think you DO need that last line because your point is that the silence does not last. If you leave off the last line, the poem would say something entirely different. I think maybe the problem is that the text itself is so small that you can’t even see the ellipses after the word silence unless you almost squint. It could be some readers aren’t getting the point because of missing that pause. (The old fashioned way of writing ellipses — with spaces between each dot — is still the most effective in my own opinion, but we can’t get publishers to use them anymore.) Just my two cents’ worth. I love the sounds and images.
I agree about the last line, Sandra. To show the transitory nature of waves, whether of water or wind, I need the line. Thanks so much for the hint about the ellipses. I edited the post to reflect that and it looks so much better and can be seen much more clearly. I appreciate the feedback and I’m glad you liked the poem.
This, that and the other thing 
That is such an evocative first line, Janet. And the ‘seashore of silence.’ A wonderful sound poem. And so I think you don’t need that last line.
Thanks for the feedback, Tish, and I’m happy you liked the poem. My point with the last line is the transitory nature of the silence and the repetition of the waves. I don’t think the effect would be the same without it.
janet
Yes, I see your point.
Agree with Tish – and yes and sometimes the wind really sounds like the sea far from the sea… 🙂
The sound of the wind allows us landlocked people to imagine for time that we’re near the ocean or the sea. It’s really rather nice. As I said to Tish, I wanted to show that the silence doesn’t last and that the sound repeats. For that to happen, I think I need the last line. What do you think? Either way, of course, I’m glad you liked the poem. 🙂
janet
Absolutely lovely! And I don’t want to sound argumentative, but I think you DO need that last line because your point is that the silence does not last. If you leave off the last line, the poem would say something entirely different. I think maybe the problem is that the text itself is so small that you can’t even see the ellipses after the word silence unless you almost squint. It could be some readers aren’t getting the point because of missing that pause. (The old fashioned way of writing ellipses — with spaces between each dot — is still the most effective in my own opinion, but we can’t get publishers to use them anymore.) Just my two cents’ worth. I love the sounds and images.
I agree about the last line, Sandra. To show the transitory nature of waves, whether of water or wind, I need the line. Thanks so much for the hint about the ellipses. I edited the post to reflect that and it looks so much better and can be seen much more clearly. I appreciate the feedback and I’m glad you liked the poem.
janet
Dear Sandra,
Beautiful as-is! Your images speak to emotions we all can feel.
Regards,
BobiJo
I’m glad you could feel the emotions, BobiJo. (BTW, I’m Janet, not Sandra.) 🙂
janet