Language abuse: alternative meanings

Posted: October 30, 2018 in Words
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This week we’ll take a break from Anguished English because my sister-in-law sent me the results of the Washington Post’s annual neologism contest.  These are just too much fun not to pass on.

(Just did a bit more research and found that these are from 2013.  That means more to come, I’d guess.)

Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Comments
  1. Ruth says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha… OMG they’re all absolutely brilliant! 🙂

  2. Dan Antion says:

    Thanks for sharing these. Laughing is a great way to start the day. Some of these are really funny.

  3. Su Leslie says:

    Is the competition to come up with new neologisms, or rank existing ones? I’ve definitely seen these before — and I still laugh every time!

  4. macmsue says:

    Now that little list had my husband laughing out loud! There are some beauties.

  5. LOL! Number 5 cracked me up. These are pretty funny.

  6. Thanks for sharing these. I especially like numbers 1 and 8.
    Ω

  7. JT Twissel says:

    My favorite is 13 – the Rastafarian proctologist! LOL

  8. Joanne Sisco says:

    Yeah – #5 made me laugh out loud too … although I doubt I will forget #13. Pokemon … too funny! 😆

  9. joey says:

    They’re so good! lol Oyster, lol, oy!

  10. de Wets Wild says:

    Now one medical show I would love to see on TV is a series about a pokemon looking after his patients with rectitude…
    😀
    I almost woke the rest of the house laughing. Thanks, Janet!

  11. happyface313 says:

    🙂 This is too good to be true! Love it!
    Please keep on posting things like this. Makes my day every time, dear Janet!
    Have a very HAPPY day 🙂

  12. Wilhelmina Wanderlust says:

    Fantastic! Haha! 🙂

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