Language abuse: Torn from the headlines

Posted: February 19, 2019 in Humor, Words
Tags: , , , , , ,

These days, headlines tend to be found online, but there was a time when they were at the beginning of every newspaper article.  The objective, of course, was to interest a potential reader as well as give a very, very short idea of what the article was about.  Once again, Richard Lederer has found some of the most hilarious for readers of Anguished English.  Let me share just a few.  As some of you may remember, headlines were always in capital letters and it didn’t mean shouting.

FLAMING TOILET SEAT CAUSES EVACUATION AT HIGH SCHOOL

TWO CONVICTS EVADE NOOSE:  JURY HUNG

DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING

COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA OFFICIALS GROWING UGLY

S. FLORIDA ILLEGAL ALIENS CUT IN HALF BY NEW LAW

SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

HERSHEY BARS PROTEST

TRAFFIC DEAD RISE SLOWLY

POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT MAKES HOLE IN ONE

Comments
  1. I’m glad that we have no jury duty here… that can be a hard job ;O)))

  2. Sue says:

    Anguished English alright!!

  3. Joanne Sisco says:

    I can’t tell whether these headlines were done tongue-in-cheek or not … “IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS” and “POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS”. They’re brilliant either way 😆

  4. Dan Antion says:

    These are so funny. I’m wondering if the Surviving sIiamese twin could help the illegal aliens. He/she seems to have the knowledge.

  5. words4jp says:

    Hershey Bars Protest? Noooooo – that could get out of hand…..it would be a major uprising of the chocoholics – kinda like on the same side of Terminator: Rise of the Machines – EPIC!

  6. WATCH OUT: BLOGGER TWISTS HEAD TURNING WORDS

  7. Norm 2.0 says:

    Funny stuffy. Headlines are some of the worst offenders. Makes me long for the days when they were willing to pay for copy editors and proof readers.

  8. Leya says:

    😀 😀 😀

  9. de Wets Wild says:

    No wonder the police are so harsh on the jaywalkers, ‘coz you can’t rely on the jurors to put them away!
    I really, really enjoy these weekly chuckles you prepare for us so much, Janet – thank you!

  10. Prior... says:

    So fun – I like the jaywalkers and the illegal aliens one.
    And side note – heard on the radio that a senator apologized for using the term “illegal aliens” and said it was in at the time – feels bad and does not use it anymore

  11. That’s one tough Grandma.
    Ω

  12. Su Leslie says:

    I love the English language 😂😂

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