It’s almost Thanksgiving, the perfect time for a Friday Fictioneers piece as I’m thankful Bill introduced me to this wonderful group of writers who are also lovely people. Of course, I have much, much more for which to be thankful each day, even though tomorrow’s the day I take to especially thank God, literally, for His abundant blessings to me. Joyce Johnson, thank you for the picture, Rochelle for hosting and the rest of you for helping me improve my writing and for providing a bar for which to strive. I value each of you immensely, (even if I don’t get all your stories read immediately this vacation week. 🙂
Cottage Industry
In search of baking soda, she dodged rain drops, running to the neighbors’. The perfectly-coiffed, blue-white-haired Mrs. Ulrich (“Call me Janeen, dear”) invited her in.
Gratefully sipping steaming tea, she noticed the metalwork displayed…a face and hand. “They’re marvelous!”
“My husband Tom makes them, dear. Would you like to see the others?”
She readily agreed. The metalwork was lovely, perfect for the garden. Perhaps for Christmas?
In the basement workshop, Tom’s smiling face greeted them. “Choose something that’s you, dear.”
“No, I couldn’t.” But she drew close to take a better look. “They’re so life-like! Where do you get the…”
This, that and the other thing 
Oh oh I sense something sinister in that basement?!? Very nice, I especially like the build up… Happy thanksgiving to you and yours. Have a wonderful vacation
Gotta watch old people and basements, Boomie. Thanks for the Thanksgiving wishes and right back at you!
Oh my what a surprise in that basement! excellent story. god Bless and have a VERY BLESSED THANKSGIVING!! Thank you for all you are and all you have done, you are true servants of our Lord!
Thanks for the comments and best wishes. I know you’ll be having a blessed holiday and I’m thankful for that, too. 🙂
Well, I hate to say I saw that coming. But a childhood raised on Rod Serling as well as Alfred Hitchcock has left me leery of basements such as this! Still, I enjoyed it!
There are only so many surprise endings possible, but I’m glad you liked it anyway. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh brilliant! Actually didn’t see it so laughed in delight…two touches of brilliance: words like ”dear”/”Christmas”/the ‘lovely” metal work for the ”garden” all lull you into false complacency – almost verging on thinking..’yeah, ok, nice little story’ – and the 2nd touch, stopping the story right THERE! perfect!
Thanks. I’m glad to have lulled you, as that was my intent. Appreciate your time and comments. Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving! No turkeys here in Finland though…yet!
Oh, very good. i wondered if this photo would open a can of uglies, lol (verses a can of ‘worms’ cliche) in the way it prompts them. I had hoped it would actually be used for Halloween but since it wasn’t I guess we’ll see what everyone else does with it. Hope you have a great Thanksgiving Day holiday too tomorrow. Yes, I have been thankful too for all the wonderful things I am blessed with too. Happy holiday. Be sure to get to mine. I have a bit of the info. on the picture there. The trail I talk about is beautiful and right along our river. A favorite place of ours to walk and commune with God and nature.
I’ll look forward (as always) to reading. Thanks for stopping by yet again. 🙂
Yes! Saw it coming, but yes!
I will post mine a bit later.
Scott
Glad you enjoyed it even if you saw it coming. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/friday-fictioneers-7/
Too late to do anymore. I’ll see you and about 9 or more others tomorrow. Hope you had a great day.
I did…thanks.
Now I know this can’t be true. Who goes next door for baking soda!!!!!
Randy (happy turkey day!)
Anyone doing baking!! Happy Thanksgiving back at you, Randy.
her last words. didn’t see that coming. well done.
in the second line: “the metalwork displayed…a face and hand.” the (…) the ellipsis is used when we have removed words but want to signify that we’ve removed them. like if a film critic says, “the best film i have seen all of this year.” but the newspaper wants to shorten it, save words, they might write “the best film…this year.” what you should have there is maybe a dash instead of an ellipsis. not sure if i spelled it right.
also, instead of “she readily agreed.” why not just have “Yes!” we know she was asked a question, and she’s the only person who would answer. you save two words, and also, when you have dialogue, it makes a story more “alive.”
A dash would work and I probably could have said “the metalwork face and hand displayed.” I used “readily agreed” because agreeing quickly conveyed to me that she had no suspicions of anything being wrong. Thanks for making me think more deeply about the importance and import of how I use my words.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your, Rich. I hope to get a few stories read this morning before things pick up around here.
Wow! that changed direction! Nice one,.
Thanks, Sandra.
Oh, nicely done … I really liked the ending on this one 🙂
Glad you stopped by. Today could be a tough day for reading, but if not today, I’ll work on some tomorrow.
I decided not to take part this week – just to browse, read and comment instead. So much easier after just moving house 😉
I like it! Including the ‘hanging’ ending.
Thanks, Abraham. In this case, it was more of a “becoming a piece of art that’s really you.” 🙂
Indeed!:-)
Masterly work here! I just wonder how they get that grin, though . . . Really, you do a beautiful job setting up the scene with just a few quick strokes, making the most of the 100 words. Mine will go up in the morning unless I get impatient and bypass my scheduling button. 🙂
I just read it to Glenn, and he loved it, too. 🙂
Thanks for letting me know that, Cindy!!
I’m thankful for your part in this group, Janet. You never disappoint me. This one’s a chiller. “What a piece of work is man…”
Rochelle, you made my morning with that lovely compliment. Thanks.
Hi Janet,
Basements are death traps! Loved the way you drew us in with the innocent details. Ron
I was shooting for the innocent and everyday, Ron. Glad it worked. Happy Thanksgiving. I look forward to reading yours and everyone else’s later or tomorrow.
A touch of the spooky here!
Thanks, Claudia. Happy Thanksgiving (which is only spooky for turkeys.)
A surprise turn for me. Loved the way you built up “Call me Janeen, dear”‘s character.
Mine is here this week http://anneorchardwriter.wordpress.com/2012/11/22/friday-fictioneers-pride-goes/
Dear Janet,
Happy Thanksgiving! Great story and perfect truncated last words. I could see this coming a mile away yet kept right on reading to see how you delivered on the promise. You did not disappoint.
Aloha,
Doug
Doug, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I knew once I mentioned the basement (but even if it had been the attic), I’d be giving it away, but if it kept your attention anyway, I overcame that problem, at least to some extent. Just getting ready now to read some more stories.
Ah, the always unsuspecting. Very good. Lots of tension in a short piece.
Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/bete-noire/
On my way now to do some morning reading before everyone’s up and at the morning. Hope you had a lovely day yesterday.
Hope she really gets to know where they are from before it’s too late…something about this line though: ‘The metalwork WAS lovely, perfect for the garden’ why the past tense when the metalwork is still physically being discussed? I have some eerie feelings here…What a walk!
Very sinister. As soon as someone gets invited to a basement, you just know that nothing good will come of it.
So true. I considered that, but even the attic has sinister overtones. Similar to slimy pods in sci-fi movies. Everyone should know to stay away from them, but they never do.
Basement art at its finest. Well done, Janet. And they seemed like such a nice couple too . . . .
You never know, that’s for sure. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by and reading.
SHRIEK! I particularly liked the flavor of the characters. So specific I could see them.
Thanks, Kathy. I wanted the neighbors to be so ordinary, even innocuous, that the narrator would have no qualms about going there and into the basement.
I knew it wasn’t going to go well, when I read the description of Mrs. Ulrich.
Poor Mrs. Ulrich. So misunderstood.
Yes, indeed it’s very very lifelike… Scary Mrs Ulrich
Hopefully you don’t have neighbors like that!!
I am starting to dislike basements…Nice job.
Tom
Basements, attics and showers are all tainted. What’s left??? Thanks for coming by and adding your two cents. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Well I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well. Next time I’ll add a nickel’s worth.
Nice characterizations. I knew Janeen couldn’t be that sweet and something wasn’t quite right. Nice build up. I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving, too!
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. As far as the story, I fluctuated between ending the way I did with having a nice ending as the surprise. Not a very inspired story this week, but what came to mind.
I think the protagonist’s voice was just taken away with how good the work was, and that the tea was not poisoned at all. When she recovered she bought several faces and took them home and all was fine.
Until they ate her. No, I don’t like a happy ending either. Good job!
Thanks, Perry. I wish I could say I’d thought of that ending. I think she featured in the next metal work, but who really knows?
Awesome. Remind me never to borrow anything from the neighbors.
🙂
I think she should have taken a closer look at the expression on the displayed face–closed eyes, distorted mouth–and run! Good low-key buildup to your surprise ending.
If a picture’s worth a thousand words, she squandered 2,000 warning words! I’m happy you enjoyed it.