Sometimes the eye sees one thing but the heart feels something else. So it was for me with this week’s Friday Fictioneers story. My eye saw the misspelled word, tried to say “Humor.” My heart felt the word that was supposed to be there and ran with it to a place far from the humor of misspelling, a land where a different kind of trespassing was no longer accepted, a land foreshadowed by both the boarded-up openings and the burgeoning plants.
If stretching makes a person flexible, then I’m doing a back bend of epic proportions with this story. But that’s fine. We Fictioneers are a gymnastic team of unbelievable ability when it comes to flexible interpretation. That’s part of the joy of writing.
Copyright Randy Mazie
Time Bids Be Gone
I pressed the shirt to my nose, noting with a sharp pang that his smell was fading. Regretfully, I realized some memories were fading as well. The hurt in my heart had lessened from agony to intermittent sadness. Almost two years now since Christmas had promised to be the best ever. When he’d…just say it, Francesca…he’d died, I’d wanted no more to do with love. But now I knew I was ready to move on, to let go, to remember without pain.
After New Years, I’d tell Geoff I was ready to try for a new baby. It was time.
We are time’s subjects, and time bids be gone. ~William Shakespeare
Here’s the link to the rest of the stories. I know the authors would love to have you stop in.
Gymnastics, nothing, darling — that was yoga. The reveal at the end that it was a child that had died gave the piece an entire new sense of loss. I re-read it with that new knowledge and it was richer still.
Happy Over-the-hump-day, Helena. I started out with the idea of having the loss be a husband but realized that was too prosaic for a FF piece so I decided to mislead in the direction and go where I did. Yoga is good. 🙂 My thoughts went to emotions that trespass and on from there. To be re-read is always a compliment (unless, I guess, it’s to think, “Holy cow!! Where did THAT come from?)
janet
Wow.. you’ve stirred great emotions in me with your explanation — I’ve been thinking myself a lot lately about thoughts that trespass — of feeling betrayed by my own mind. Maybe I should have written about that!
You can always write about it in another post. In the meantime, I’m happy I could be of some service.
janet
Sometimes the heart should follow the mind, sometimes the heart should tell the mind to stay at home and stop interfering. I like that your heart took us somewhere new and unexpected.
I’m glad you enjoyed following my heart’s trail, Jen. As I explained to Helena just now, I was on a much more prosaic path even with the departure from the photo, but had to live up to the FF expectations, which changed things a bit.
janet
That was beautiful and am glad she has decided to move on-there is time for everything-for grieving and for living:-one cannot live on memories alone-)
Memories are great, but you’re right that you have to move on with real life. Hopefully the memories will mellow and add depth to her life and the lives of her family.
janet
Yes,I hope so too:-)
Very sweet. Captured the sense of loss so very well.
Thanks!
janet
double punch in the gut. masterfully delivered 🙂 and i loved the hope at the ending.
kz, there’s always hope of some sort, don’t you think?
janet
yes 🙂 that’s the beauty of it
Janet, yes, this prompt does evoke sadness and things gone wrong. I’m glad there’s hope at the end of your story. Well done. You’re most flexible and bendy!
Amy, so pleased you liked the story and my mental and emotional gymnastics. 🙂
janet
Very moving take on the prompt with a gentle but effective twist at the end. Well done Janet.
Praise from the praise-worthy is always appreciated, Sandra. 🙂
janet
That last line broke my heart.
Oh, Dawn, that’s the line that is filled with hope. She can remember with love and move on, her life and love richer for what has come before. I hope you meant broke your heart in a good way.
janet
I guess I just meant i felt for her. While reading I thought the loss might have been her husband when I learned it was a child in the last line it broke my heart.
I figured that’s what you meant, Dawn. I can’t imagine how terrible it would be to lose a child. It’s not supposed to happen that way, is it?
No.
The death of her child and finally realization that she was willing to try again was a fabulous twist in the end. So much better then simple lost love. I really enjoyed your stretch on this one.
“Simple last love” was where I started but obviously, my FF mindset wouldn’t let things rest there. So happy you liked it.
janet
Heartbreakingly hopeful 🙂
I’m happy that came across, Helen.
janet
Very touching tale, skillfully written.
Thanks very much.
janet
I was feeling sad enough all the way through and then that kick at the end when we find out it was a baby who’d died – great story.
It’s a mixed blessing story as is some of life. Lows and highs, death and life, pain and joy…I wanted to convey some of those contrasts. I’m happy it got to you.
janet
You know it’s a great story when it twangs your emotions, and yours did 🙂
thanks for – as usual – leading me in to water and then splashing me in the face before i could drink. the best kind. i’m thinking about the word “new” as in “new baby.” did you consider “another” instead? “new” sounds like a product, something you’d buy. however, “another” doesn’t necessarily indicate what happened to the previous child. i dunno. just tossing it out there.
Hmmm, interesting idea, Rich. When I have a bit more time, I’ll think about that. I just zipped over to peruse synonyms for “new” and laughed when I came to “state-of-the-art.” Appreciate your thoughtful comment and I’m very pleased I could splash you in the face. 🙂
janet
happy to have been splashen.
Dear Janet,
This is the kind of story that makes a mother’s heart ache. I can’t imagine the pain. Suffice it to say, you made this mother’s heart ache.
shalom,
Rochelle
I’m glad it was only a fictional ache, Rochelle. I can’t imagine the pain if it were real. Always glad to have you visit and comment.
janet
This was a very powerful piece, Janet. I don’t even want to imagine such an event. Well done.
Thanks, Adam. I know what you mean, yet imagine is as close as I ever want to get.
janet
I still have a “scent” from 5 years ago sealed in a jar…………..
Hopefully a good memory and not one such as this.
janet
It was indeed a very good one !
Wow, that is a back bend! I wanted humor but this is a better. A truly effecting emotional story; I can’t write them but I appreciate them. Very nice.
Thanks, Perry. I’m looking forward to what I’m sure will be a humorous story from you (and betting it has something to do with the misspelling of “trespassing.”) But back to real life for the moment.
janet
An experience I know all to well. Your story is wonderful and painfully realistic. I do agree that new could be changed to another..it would make it sound less like they were “replacing” their lost child ( no offence meant, just offering my 2 cents)
I think you and Rich may be right about the change from “new.” I’m sorry that you know about this experience and sad that anyone has to go through it. I’m glad it felt realistic, though.
janet
Moving on. Beautifully told.
Thanks very much, Patrick. I think for sanity a person has to move on from everything, even though there will be lingering memories and pain. To do otherwise is not good.
janet
That was a touching story, and good use of misdirection. That abrupt shift at the end from the lover to the baby was well done.
Thanks, David. As I mentioned before, it started as simply missing a husband, then I realized I wanted that twist and this came to mind. Glad it worked well.
janet
I loved your pacing on this piece, especially the “When he’d…just say it, Francesca” That part was sad, but I’m glad she’s reached the point where she can move on.
I’m glad you liked that part, Russ, as I did, too. Loss of a child would be horrific but at some point, you’d have to move on. I think she’s ready.
janet
sadly sweet…
Thanks.
janet
I’ve read that every time we recall a memory we modify it, actually changing the facts. This is how time heals. Your story perfectly presents the weight of how many times she must have thought about her sorrow. Well done.
Thank you, Mike. I’ve never heard that before. No wonder the police want to interview witnesses right away!! And even then, they often don’t get things right.
janet
Oh this was so well told.. I had to read it twice to see if I had missed any hint that it was a child.. still I couldn’t see it..love the story.. very sweet.
Ah, Bjorn, then I did my job of hiding it well. So glad you liked it!
janet
I always like your stories.. but this was extra good.
Thanks very much, Bjorn. I cherish that compliment.
…to remember without pain. That is a stretch. Love it, Janet.
Thanks a lot, Honie. Looking forward to reading your story tomorrow. I was watching hockey, except that I keep dozing off. 🙂
janet
Very nicely done. That’s what I saw too – an emotional trespassing.
Thanks for visiting. Glad you liked it.
janet
More than excellent take on the prompt and the use of the graffiti. You say you have no personal experience, but I can tell you you hit the nail on the head using the sense of smell in that way. Memories don’t fade away, they just get deep-filed till you need them.
I really appreciate that, Ann, especially as I’ve been trying to comment on stories and haven’t been able to get my comments to post. After about 7 or 8, it’s very frustrating. Trying to figure it out, but your comment came at an excellent time. Thanks!
janet
Very emotional. Very good.
Scott
Mine: http://kindredspirit23.wordpress.com/2013/12/04/ff-friday-fictioneers-keeping-watch-rated-pg13-1262013/
Thanks. Scott. Hope you’re keeping warm.
janet