Friday Fictioneers: Time Bids Be Gone

Posted: December 4, 2013 in Friday Fictioneers
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes the eye sees one thing but the heart feels something else. So it was for me with this week’s Friday Fictioneers story. My eye saw the misspelled word, tried to say “Humor.” My heart felt the word that was supposed to be there and ran with it to a place far from the humor of misspelling, a land where a different kind of trespassing was no longer accepted, a land foreshadowed by both the boarded-up openings and the burgeoning plants.

If stretching makes a person flexible, then I’m doing a back bend of epic proportions with this story. But that’s fine. We Fictioneers are a gymnastic team of unbelievable ability when it comes to flexible interpretation. That’s part of the joy of writing.

Copyright Randy Mazie

Copyright Randy Mazie

 Time Bids Be Gone

I pressed the shirt to my nose, noting with a sharp pang that his smell was fading.  Regretfully, I realized some memories were fading as well. The hurt in my heart had lessened from agony to intermittent sadness.  Almost two years now since Christmas had promised to be the best ever. When he’d…just say it, Francesca…he’d died, I’d wanted no more to do with love.  But now I knew I was ready to move on, to let go, to remember without pain.

After New Years, I’d tell Geoff I was ready to try for a new baby.  It was time.

We are time’s subjects, and time bids be gone.  ~William Shakespeare

Here’s the link to the rest of the stories. I know the authors would love to have you stop in.

Comments
  1. Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

    Gymnastics, nothing, darling — that was yoga. The reveal at the end that it was a child that had died gave the piece an entire new sense of loss. I re-read it with that new knowledge and it was richer still.

    • Happy Over-the-hump-day, Helena. I started out with the idea of having the loss be a husband but realized that was too prosaic for a FF piece so I decided to mislead in the direction and go where I did. Yoga is good. 🙂 My thoughts went to emotions that trespass and on from there. To be re-read is always a compliment (unless, I guess, it’s to think, “Holy cow!! Where did THAT come from?)

      janet

      • Helena Hann-Basquiat says:

        Wow.. you’ve stirred great emotions in me with your explanation — I’ve been thinking myself a lot lately about thoughts that trespass — of feeling betrayed by my own mind. Maybe I should have written about that!

      • You can always write about it in another post. In the meantime, I’m happy I could be of some service.

        janet

  2. elmowrites says:

    Sometimes the heart should follow the mind, sometimes the heart should tell the mind to stay at home and stop interfering. I like that your heart took us somewhere new and unexpected.

    • I’m glad you enjoyed following my heart’s trail, Jen. As I explained to Helena just now, I was on a much more prosaic path even with the departure from the photo, but had to live up to the FF expectations, which changed things a bit.

      janet

  3. atrm61 says:

    That was beautiful and am glad she has decided to move on-there is time for everything-for grieving and for living:-one cannot live on memories alone-)

  4. Very sweet. Captured the sense of loss so very well.

  5. kz says:

    double punch in the gut. masterfully delivered 🙂 and i loved the hope at the ending.

  6. Janet, yes, this prompt does evoke sadness and things gone wrong. I’m glad there’s hope at the end of your story. Well done. You’re most flexible and bendy!

  7. Sandra says:

    Very moving take on the prompt with a gentle but effective twist at the end. Well done Janet.

  8. DCTdesigns says:

    The death of her child and finally realization that she was willing to try again was a fabulous twist in the end. So much better then simple lost love. I really enjoyed your stretch on this one.

  9. helenmidgley says:

    Heartbreakingly hopeful 🙂

  10. Very touching tale, skillfully written.

  11. draliman says:

    I was feeling sad enough all the way through and then that kick at the end when we find out it was a baby who’d died – great story.

  12. brainsnorts says:

    thanks for – as usual – leading me in to water and then splashing me in the face before i could drink. the best kind. i’m thinking about the word “new” as in “new baby.” did you consider “another” instead? “new” sounds like a product, something you’d buy. however, “another” doesn’t necessarily indicate what happened to the previous child. i dunno. just tossing it out there.

  13. Dear Janet,

    This is the kind of story that makes a mother’s heart ache. I can’t imagine the pain. Suffice it to say, you made this mother’s heart ache.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  14. Adam Ickes says:

    This was a very powerful piece, Janet. I don’t even want to imagine such an event. Well done.

  15. vastlycurious.com says:

    I still have a “scent” from 5 years ago sealed in a jar…………..

  16. Wow, that is a back bend! I wanted humor but this is a better. A truly effecting emotional story; I can’t write them but I appreciate them. Very nice.

    • Thanks, Perry. I’m looking forward to what I’m sure will be a humorous story from you (and betting it has something to do with the misspelling of “trespassing.”) But back to real life for the moment.

      janet

  17. high five and raspberries says:

    An experience I know all to well. Your story is wonderful and painfully realistic. I do agree that new could be changed to another..it would make it sound less like they were “replacing” their lost child ( no offence meant, just offering my 2 cents)

    • I think you and Rich may be right about the change from “new.” I’m sorry that you know about this experience and sad that anyone has to go through it. I’m glad it felt realistic, though.

      janet

  18. Moving on. Beautifully told.

  19. That was a touching story, and good use of misdirection. That abrupt shift at the end from the lover to the baby was well done.

  20. rgayer55 says:

    I loved your pacing on this piece, especially the “When he’d…just say it, Francesca” That part was sad, but I’m glad she’s reached the point where she can move on.

  21. mike olley says:

    I’ve read that every time we recall a memory we modify it, actually changing the facts. This is how time heals. Your story perfectly presents the weight of how many times she must have thought about her sorrow. Well done.

  22. Oh this was so well told.. I had to read it twice to see if I had missed any hint that it was a child.. still I couldn’t see it..love the story.. very sweet.

  23. Honie Briggs says:

    …to remember without pain. That is a stretch. Love it, Janet.

  24. Subroto says:

    Very nicely done. That’s what I saw too – an emotional trespassing.

  25. annisik51 says:

    More than excellent take on the prompt and the use of the graffiti. You say you have no personal experience, but I can tell you you hit the nail on the head using the sense of smell in that way. Memories don’t fade away, they just get deep-filed till you need them.

    • I really appreciate that, Ann, especially as I’ve been trying to comment on stories and haven’t been able to get my comments to post. After about 7 or 8, it’s very frustrating. Trying to figure it out, but your comment came at an excellent time. Thanks!

      janet

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