I’m writing this on Monday afternoon with chicken stock simmering on the stove, something to combat the cold outside. I exercised this morning, both on the treadmill and on the weight machines, but now I’m going to exercise my laughing muscles. You’re welcome to give yours a workout as well.
As usual, at least so far, all examples are from Richard Lederer’s manual on how misuse of the English language can make us laugh, Anguished English. Have any of you picked up a copy either at the library or bookstore since you started reading the Language Abuse posts? I hope at least a few of you have enjoyed them enough to do so. But now, without further ado or even much ado about nothing, let’s take a look at signs that might give a rather different impression to the reader than was expected by the creator of the sign.
In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. — Sisters of Mercy.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Person are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassible.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work.
On an Indiana shopping mall marquee: Archery tournament. Ears pierced.
And with that, I wish you a most enjoyable and blessing-filled Tuesday (or whatever day you might be on for my friends in a different hemisphere).
we were in that loan company too… at least one thing what exists here too LOL
I would imagine they’re the same all over the world.
😀 what a great way to start the day, dear Janet!
Thanks! xo 🙂
My pleasure, Claudia! 😘
Thanks for the laughs!
I’m always glad to help with that, at least with laughs that are funny but not at someone else’s expense.
janet
hilarious! thanks –
You’re very welcome!
Thanks for the chuckles Janet.
Always happy to oblige, Su.
Oh, what a hoot – thanks for these!
I am pleased you enjoyed them, Sue.
Frequently amazes me ….Use of Language was something we were quite aware of at school
very good – thanks!!!
My pleasure!
janet
Hilarious! Thanks for brightening my morning!
You’re welcome. I was glad I could.
These were good for several laughs. I haven’t exercised yet, but I’ll be in a better mood when I do. Thanks!
Good! That works. Have a wonderful day, Dan.
All of them made me laugh but I got an instant visual of men with 16 and 17 necks!
I know. That one does have a very vivid visual. 🙂
Excellent. Thanks for the wisdom and making me smile. 🙂
My pleasure. Thanks for reading, enjoying, and commenting. 😉
janet
Gladly! 🙂
😀
Some of these are actually telling us the truth about the establishments without having meant to! Like the loan company, and the antique shop!
True but they’re still funny, aren’t they? 😉
Especially ‘coz there’s a little truth behind!
Thanks for brightening my day. That last sign in the Indiana Mall also serves as a warning to window-shoppers.
Ω
Happy to brighten you day, Allan.
janet
Definitely I’d stay away from that Maine shop. Humorous signs indeed, Janet.
Glad you enjoyed them, Bruce. Always nice to have a little humor in the day.
They’re all good, but I just love the first one so very much. Also, graveyard flower pickin, LOL!
The one I like best varies from time to time. 🙂 The graveyard flower picking one is really quite funny. Just glad you enjoyed them.
janet
BWAHAHAHAHA {trying to catch my breath} HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. — Sisters of Mercy 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think these might be the same Sisters that ran the Catholic school I went to as a child!
🙂 I’ve seen “Trespassers will be persecuted” signs, which are also funny, but the Sisters of Mercy part on this one make it even better. I can tell you enjoyed these as much as I did. Find the book and you’ll laugh until you cry…literally. I have. And there’s a “More Anguished English” as well.
I’ll have to look for it 🙂